Funny Names.

''I only pay my actors what I think they're worth''
Peter Rogers (Their 'worth' was £5000 for the men and £2,500 for the women.)

It's been a while since I posted anything here - I do apologise. It's been a busy few months and I've been quite occupied elsewhere.
I'm trying to compile a list of funny 'Carry On' names that were used in the films for a project I'm working on.
If you can add any others to my list then please do.
Maude Boggins, Hope Springs, Sid Flange, Mrs Prodworthy, Miss Allcock, Amelia Fosdyke, Dan Dann (the lavatory man), Miss Haggard, Reverend Flasher. I know there are lots more but my mind's gone a blank. Go on give me a PROD...

Open Invitation.

''I was delighted when offered a part in 'Carry On Abroad' and wondered where, in sunny Europe, we would be filming. Alas, the location turned out to be a car park at Pinewood!''
June Whitfield.

If there's any aspect of the Carry Ons that you'd like to open up to discussion then please use this post to reply to, to do this.

Carry On Flogging.

'My intimate friends call me Ding Dong.'
'I'd like to give you a clang some time.'
Joan and Sid exchange in '...Cowboy'

I was rather disappointed to see that on Ebay someone is selling a signed letter and photograph that they received from Kenneth Williams when they were a child. If this person has fallen on hard times then it is just about forgivable, but if they are just trying to make a quick buck then I find it reproachable. This is such a special and unique momento that if I were the fortunate recipient then there is no way I could part with it. I see this sale as a further inditement of the society we now live in. A society where everything has a price and this in turn leads to making everything worthless. Only a couple of months ago this individual was on an online forum saying how precious this keepsake was to her (it was definitely the same person because she included a link to a photo of the letter in the post.) Oh yes, it was such a precious keepsake that she's now flogging it to the highest bidder! Shame on you.

Stop Messin' About Website.

'My brother...the count'
Joan Sims in '...Don't Lose Your Head'

Does anyone know anything about what's happened to the Kenneth Williams dedicated website www.stopmessinabout.co.uk ? It seems to have disappeared. I was often on it and frequently posted on it too. It was up and running about a fortnight ago but then just disappeared. It'll be a sad loss if it's really gone forever.

Carry On Polling.

First Man: I can't wait to get home and tear off my wife's knickers..
Second Man: Why?
First Man: They're too tight for me.

A joke of Hattie Jacques.

In response to the request (see comment regarding the post below this one) for a poll of favourite Carry On films I will set the ball rolling. To pick just one Carry On as a favourite is a somewhat daunting task. With the exception of '...England' and '...Columbus' there are parts in all of them that I enjoy. I know that in such polls '...up the Khyber' and '...Cleo' tend to come out at the top, however I've never been one to 'go with the flow', so I'm going to stick my neck out here. I suppose that the definition of 'favourite' is something that you come back to time and time again, something you select most frequently from a number of options. With this in mind I would have to say that my 'favourite' Carry On film is................ '...Abroad'. I can't quite put my finger on why I like it so much. Maybe it's because it was the last one to feature all the 'regulars' - it was Charles Hawtrey's last one (allegedly due to his escalating alcoholism.) Maybe it's because it is set in foreign climes, I tend to enjoy films and tv shows that feature Brits abroad. Maybe it's for the 'clunky' editing (note Sid and Joan's 'you rotten filthy beast' scene in the pub, where it's most obvious.) Maybe it's because I have warm (but somewhat hazy) memories of rolling in from the pub when I was at university and habitually putting on '...Abroad' whilst having tea and toast. Maybe it's none of these reasons. All I know is that I like it very much. All of my friends have been subjected at one time or another to watching it whilst I say the lines just before the actors do - terribly annoying for them :-) . So, that's my favourite - what's yours?

Innuendo Heaven.

'Have you got a large one?'
'I've had no complaints.'
Barbara Windsor asks Sid James in '...Abroad'

I'm soon going to be launching a range of innuendo laden t-shirts. If you have a funny piece of innuendo which could go with a very ordinary looking photograph then let me know and I'll see what I can knock up. One of my examples is a photo of a wet cat with the tagline 'her pussy had never been so wet before'. It's all in your filthy mind - it's just a wet cat! :-) Anyway, you get the idea.

Don't Carry On.

''We've been treated like shit here this morning''
Barbara Windsor to Kenneth Williams during the filming of '...Camping'

Every so often we hear a rumour that there will be another Carry On film. Carry On London is the title which keeps popping up. It's on, it's off, on again, off again. My advice is to leave well enough alone. Was nothing learnt from the appalling '...Columbus'?

Jim Dale, June Whitfield, Leslie Phillips and Jack Douglas have all commented that it was a mistake and that perhaps they regret their involvement. It would seem that it's impossible to recreate the Carry On formula in these times. There can never be another Sid, Hattie, Joan, Charlie or Kenneth and it seems futile to try and do this. Also, we live in a world where political correctness has gone beserk and the Carry on humour is deeply rooted in being incorrect.

I think that the Carry Ons should be left where they are. I'm a great believer in the expression 'if it's not broken, don't fix it.' I adore the Carry On films but don't want to see a dead horse flogged. Let us remember these films as they were - period pieces. Humour has become much less 'nudge nudge wink wink' and blatant innuendo does not translate well to the Carry On genre. It seems to be that whenever something popular and long-running is resurrected it is either doomed to failure or proves to be a disappointing and flimsy offering.

If Carry On London ever gets made then I wish all concerned the very best of British, they're going to jolly well need it!

Kenneth Williams' 81st Birthday.

Lots of cards which will go straight into the dustbin. (Feb 22nd 1975.)
The Kenneth Williams Diaries.

Today would have been Kenneth Williams' 81st birthday, so it is only fitting that I should pay him a small tribute. He may well have been a cantankerous old devil, but he still touched (and continues to touch) the lives of many people. His legacy is enormous and his 'Carry On' performances continue to delight people today. He is sadly missed in a world which is seemingly devoid of true comic talent. Where is the comedic delivery today? Where are the raconteurs of Kenneth's standard? Where have the manners and the courtesey gone? Why are the 'stars' who've built their careers on talent so relatively thin on the ground? (With the exception of the likes of Judi Dench, Maggie Smith and Helen Mirren etc...(who are all incidentally 'old school.')) Gone, all gone, that's the answer. I think it's unlikely that we will see the likes of Kenneth Wiliams again, and the world is a poorer place because of that. Happy Birthday Kenny. I hope that wherever you are is Fantabulosa!!!

Review - The Kenneth Williams Diaries.

"Do you have to be doing those Carry Ons, couldn't you get into something better?"
Joan Sims' mum.

I've read the diaries three times now, and each time they leave me feeling sad. Kenneth Williams was something of a loner (which is of course well documented). He also loved being the centre of attention which presented something of a dichotomy for him. In the book we learn he was a hygiene freak, a prolific writer, a perfectionist, he liked a drink, he loved his mum, he was in turn polite and vitriolic to fans, he could be a wonderful friend , he craved peace and quiet, he was a snob, he was rude, he was funny, he was miserable - he was real!
From my readings of his diaries I've always taken away a dark feeling. He contemplated suicide often and had his stash of painkillers and various drugs for the execution of this. He was very unlucky in love and was afraid of sharing his ordered life with anyone. His sex life was plagued with problems. On the occasions he did 'indulge' in some jiggery pokery he always seemed to 'catch' something from his partner. He felt as if God didn't want him to have a sex life at all. He had a masochistic streak which is only just touched upon in the diaries. The diaries are heavily edited which is evident when comparing the back cover of the book (which has an example of a diary entry in his own hand) with the entry for the same day. Even with the editing we are still given quite a detailed insight into the mind of this sometimes deeply troubled man.
The diaries fiercely conflict with the public image we have of Kenneth Williams and I like him all the more for that.

Carry On Bouncing.

"Why is your bum so hard? Do you leave it out at night?
Fenella Fielding to Kenneth Willams during the filming of '...Screaming'.

I've always been slightly bewildered by the attention given over the years to Barbara Windsor's bust. Constant reference is made to it and Barbara herself perpetuates the 'myth' of her large assets. The fact is that she has never been more than averagely endowed in this department. She is of course by no means flat chested, but in all honesty there's not much there. Take a look at the overwhelming evidence. In the films where we do get a glimpse of her 'bits' it is obvious to all that she is only about average with regards to her natural 'gifts'. In ...Abroad', '...Henry', '...Dick', '...Again Doctor' and (of course most famously) in '...Camping' if you actually watch the 'reveal' closely you can see that she has 'nothing to write home about'. Peter Rogers or Gerald Thomas (I can't remember which) commented during the filming of '...Again Doctor' that the 'Bristol's Bouncing Baby Food' gag would have to go (although it stayed) when he saw Barbara topless. In the films we're relentlessly drawn to Barbara's bust "Ooh what a lovely lookin' pear/pair" et al, and I would imagine that that the public forever associate Barbara with her bosom.
But what is this association built on? Not reality, that's for sure. It's built on repetition, if you hear something often enough you start to believe it. If you are told time and time again that something is true then you eventually believe that it simply must be. You can find the word 'bra' twice in Barbara's name - I believe that she needs neither :-). I don't of course lie awake at night thinking about this, but it is always something that's astounded me (much in the same way people believing that Wendy Richard can act!!!) You may well be reading this and be tutting or mouthing words like heresy or sacrilege, if so then put your keyboard where your mouth is and let your thoughts be known.

Review - High Spirits.

"I need a couple of valium before I come on the set with this woman!"
Frankie Howerd talking about Joan Sims (in a good way) regarding working with her on '...Doctor.'

Like many of her fellow 'Carry On' team Joan Sims was not adverse to the odd drink or ten and if she wasn't an alcoholic then she was about the closest you can get to one. She is not shy talking about this aspect of her life in the book. She never married, but was not without suitors. Like Kenneth Williams she lived alone (for many years just a few streets away from me in Fulham, although I was unaware of this until I read the book). She had a long career which is highlighted in the book, although the book takes the form of 'snippits' from her life in comparison to Kenneth Williams' diaries which of course offer a chronological view of his life. When this book was released I went to a bookshop on Oxford Street where Joan appeared and answered questions about her life and career before signing copies of it. She was absolutely delightful and had everybody in fits of laughter. She firmly remains my favourite 'Carry On' actor, mainly due to the different sorts of characters she played in the films. From the seductive 'Ding Dong' in '...Cowboy' through to the awful harridan wife in '...Cleo', she pulled each off (ooh err) faultlessly and seemingly effortlessly. The book is not as long as you might hope, but it is a real 'warts and all' look at this lovely lady's life.

Review - The Carry On Companion.

"Fakir...off"
Bernard Bresslaw in '...Up The Khyber.'

This is probably the most comprehensive of all the available 'Carry On' books. It details all of the 31 films and offers behind-the-scenes 'secrets' and a pretty exhaustive explanation of each film. You will learn interesting facts, figures and 'gossip' that is unavailable elsewhere. Before watching one of the films now I always refer to it first in 'The Companion' and watch out for certain things mentioned in the book. It gives you a new way to look at the films. I found it both informative and interesting. I highly recommend it.

Carry On Appealing.

"I like smutty jokes."
Kenneth Williams.

The appeal of 'Carry Ons' to me is many-fold. The simple (without being blatant) rudeness (except in later outings which were more 'in your face).' The familiarity of the actors who returned to the 'Carry On' fold time and time again. The sense of morality. If a character did actually manage to commit adultery they were always made 'to pay' and were eventually reconciled with their spouse. Adultery was however uncommon and although there was much teasing, flirting and temptations it was rarely brought to fruition. 'Carry Ons' were cosy and homely, teeming with caricatures, the lech, the harridan and the busty temptress for example. They evoked a time in England which only really half-existed. You know what you are going to get when you watch a 'Carry On', there aren't any surprises. They enable you to lie on the sofa, forget your troubles for 90 minutes and laugh at the ridiculous and contrived circumstances of the characters. there is an innate warmness to the 'Carry Ons' and as the series continued so did the audience's identification with the actors and the genre. This identification I feel is similar to the way people react to characters in soap operas, where a constant 'drip drip' of them into your living room results in caring about what happens to them.

My First Time.

"In front of the camera it's often terribly difficult not to react, because the scenes are so funny, if one person starts twitching at the mouth it can be enough to set everybody off"
Joan Sims.

It was a Sunday, I remember because we'd not long had a 'big dinner' and 'big dinners' only happened on Sundays. Also it was the middle of the afternoon and I wasn't at school so this backs up my Sunday theory. Saturdays were normally spent visiting one of my numerous relatives or shopping. This was my first memory of watching a 'Carry On'. 'Carry On' films were 'rude'. I knew as much from the way my Mum had previously disapproved of me watching one. However, on this day Mum was having a bit of a siesta and so I could watch what I pleased. The very fact that it was labelled 'rude' appealed greatly to me, for I wanted to know all there was to know of such things. I sat enthralled for an hour and a half. There were of course parts that went straight over my young head, but I still loved it. My appreciation of 'Carry Ons' began that day and even now I return to them again and again, laughing at the same bits or groaning in pleasure at some of the awful puns and double entendres. That first film was 'Carry On Camping'' and I was hooked!